Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
