closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
