I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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