You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
