Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
