You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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