shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
