you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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