Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
