I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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