What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
