the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you traded sex for a burrito?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
