New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
