Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
