I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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