Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
