I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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