My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
