I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
