Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
