I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
