if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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