me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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