WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
