He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
