3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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