he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
