I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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