Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I smell like Dick and happiness
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