Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
