Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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