Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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