what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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