Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
