then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
