i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
