the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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