it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
