you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
