This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh god it's open bar.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
