Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
