just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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