Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
