i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
