Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
hell yes lets make some ravioli
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
