Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
