I'm pants shitting drunk right now
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
