You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
