She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
