Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
