i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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